I haven't written something here for a few months. I've been having a hard time putting into words what I've been through and what I've felt this past semester. I had a pretty rough semester. I lost myself and lost some of my motivation, which slowed me down and caused me to waste many opportunities. I am now dealing with the consequences of my actions, or lack of actions. Basically, I burned out pretty early in the semester because of how over-committed I was, but this time, backing out of a few commitments didn't help. My mind was already exhausted and craving a break. By mid October, I was ready for the semester to be over. The rest of the semester I spent dragging myself around campus. I felt heavy and drained. I felt like I was drowning and no matter how hard I tried to push myself to get a gasp of air, I couldn't. That's when my health problems started.
For two months I had an invisible health problem that caused me to oversleep, have trouble staying awake, and basically just made me tired all the time. It was a problem that my school didn't think was serious enough, so every time I went to get checked up, they would just send me back to my dorm saying "sorry, without a fever we can't do anything."
There was nothing I was able to do for myself. Now that I've made it and am on the other side, I feel frustrated with everything I missed out on because of my desire to sleep 24/7.
I realize there is no use in kicking myself for the rough semester. There is nothing that can be done about it now. "There is no use in crying over spilt milk." All I can do is move forward, clear my head, and make sure I am excited for the new semester. I took precautions so that I can have time to focus on my technical, personal, and musical goals for the semester.
Wish me luck!